The "joy" of home ownership...

Ah, the "dream" many have of home ownership. As of 2 days ago, I entered this supposed dreamland. Of course, right now it seems more like a nightmare.

Ok, 2 days ago, I closed on my new 2 bedroom apartment overlooking a hillside and some ocean (a great site might I add). An aparment, mind you, I waited a year for and this after months of the realtor saying "just a few more weeks".

Even before I signed the paperwork, I was notified that the complex has no cable tv and no landline phone. Ok, the lack of cable may make some sense (let's keep in mind the island I live on). However, this isn't 1907 folks, this is 2007, and it's absurd that these eggplats didn't get the license to get the phone company to set up the equipment. So essentially I'll be without any decent means of internet at home (well, I could go the moron's route and opt for a wireless provider from one of the cellphone carriers, pay the high monthly fee and with major download restrictions, this for a 12 month committment no less). Ok, that's where this begins. I repeat...BEGINS.

10 minutes after closing: I head up to the apartment and find it in an absolutely deplorable condition. Dirt on the floor, windows dirty, the finishings around the doors were either cracked or moldy, one of the the marble finishing in the main bedroom window was damaged, and, to coup de gras was that my bathroom was in such a condition and such a stench that I couldn't even last 10 seconds in the place without feeling faint. Needless to say, they got a rather long-winded email from me describing, in full detail, all the issues of the place.

Day 1: I get to the apartment and notice that there was neither electricity or running water. Oh yay... The builders were notified by the realtors to clean up the place, which they did in such a meaningless fashion that it would make most 10 year old boys proud. I also spend the day writing checks as if I were Bill friggin Gates. Get a ton of cleaning supplies, a shelf and mirror for my bathroom and some light fixtures. I spend the next part of the day waiting for the electric company to come, who then notice that the Mensa construction company connected the fuse box so well that they didn't connect the main fuse that would supply the electricity. Yeah, I was a bit tired at the end of that day. I also got a call from the applaiance guys, mentioning to me that they would be the next day. Being already half unconcious from the day's work, I simply remember telling them to be there in the afternoon.

Day 2: Yeah, the same applaince guys call me at 9:30am, telling me that they were already in front of the apartment, and here I was wearing pijamas on the other side of the island. Rather than get fully ready then, I figured that they were installing the water heater, so I'd just go up there and then get ready after they finish installing the stuff.

So I get up there and they move all the stuff into the kitchen and start hooking things up. Fridge, check. Oven, no gas yet but hooked up. Dryer, check. As for the water heater, washer and dishwasher....yeah, the Mensa builders did it again. See, rather than have faucets ready to hook these applainces to, they simply plugged those pipes up, and so tightly that it was partially entrenched into the cement. Well, I go down to the hardware store to buy 4 faucets and had to wait another 10 minutes because apparently said hardware store had just been robbed (you can't make this stuff up folks). I get the faucets and head back, only to find that the appliance guys couldn't get the plugs out, and the resident plumber had to be called in, but could only make it by sundown.

Meanwhile, the furniture guys get there and set up the couches and set up the main bedroom. Well, of course something would HAVE to go wrong here. Turns out that the bedroom set I ordered couldn't fit 100% into my bedroom. So one nightstand now sits in my office and I have a very narrow space between the closet and the bed.

Sundown and the plumber FINALLY arrives. He manages to get the plugs out (by way of CHISELING THE WALL!) and installs the faucets and I finally get the water heater to fill up with water. One of the engineers of the complex shows up and, in his best apologetic voice, explains his regret for the stuff that happened in my apartment and, in his hand, was a copy of the email I sent them. Good, they do listen. Things are looking up...

Of course, right there and then, the water heater springs a leak and starts dripping water onto the floor. My NEW water heater no less. Apparently the valve isn't working properly and the appliance guys need to go up there and fix it. AAAAAARGH!

Yup, the "joy" of home ownership. Now, if you replace "joy" with "gut-wrenching and agonizing pain", you might be onto something...